There may be some motorcycle accessories you need：motorcycle fairings this evening we have a 2007 car when I poop I poop twice when I poop again you say my name Old Faithful sets his watch to me Suzuki built the high displacement bandits for riders who need mid-range pull to accelerate from q-ball dogs and Eagle talons I had experimental phases if you pay attention to the displacement you’ll notice you’re only one moped away from a roid rage er Hayabusa now that you know that bandit 1250 starts to make sense that big rear tire that heavy chain the stubby handlebars the heavy curb weight you’re looking at a dirt maul Hayabusa dirt maul is also the name of a move I like to do with my life partner it involves a lego village a stopwatch in a full box of cracklin oat bran the Suzuki Bandit is a muscle bike it’s offensively overpowered for its dimensions did you not hear me this motorcycle has a one and a quarter liter four-cylinder engine there are four passenger cars rolling around in Wales right now with less displacement than this two-wheeled love letter to juvenile delinquency and dick pics if you don’t want to rev up a bandit you don’t have to there is enough torque from its fuel-injected engine for you to ride your entire life away without ever having to go above five grand but you’re gonna because once you get to six grand the Bandit 1250 will show you how beautiful excess can be I is the universe Suzuki Bandit 1250 a motorcycle is loud and dirty as the bowling alley bathroom where its owner was conceived mmm-hmm two brothers slip-on exhaust huh fine you get a pass because you put on larger injectors and remap the ECU I I will concede that you’re doing this correctly but I’m watching you I shove an electric razor between my ass cheek so I can wipe effectively the Suzuki Bandit is to high-end motorcycles what a combination KFC Taco Bell is to fine dining of course this isn’t a bad thing really I mean think about it who doesn’t occasionally want to splurge on a compact representation of a more expensive detailed product sometimes you just want a five layer burrito or a bowl of mashed potatoes corn chicken and gravy arranged in layers of sedimentary rock it doesn’t mean that the product itself is a bad thing it just means you’re looking for something affordable and satisfying as opposed to going for a pricier more competitive version of the same experience of course I should be saying a more comprehensive version of the same experience I mean to say that riding around on a Suzuki Bandit isn’t the same thing as riding around on a Hayabusa Ducati or Byul it’s far more minimalist and ninja 300 fairings
utilitarian than all that quick rundown when it first came onto the scene in 1997 and for its first four models each bandit had pretty much the same engine an air and oil cooled 1157 inline four with 16-valve a 98 horsepower where that falls into the engine displacement I’m too lazy to look up either the 600 650 750 or 1,200 but this is all changed in 2007 when the air and oil cooled engines no longer met euro 3 emission standards these newer K 6 models received a new fuel tank shaped side panels and height adjustable seed no longer swingarm with hexagonal cross-sections you can’t tell any of this by looking at this suzuki bandit because this one fell over in a truck sometime in its past and the owner right now is piecing it back together it sort of has the street fighter thing looking going on like this half fairing in the front that he cut down so it sort of looks like it belongs there what am I talking about he did a great job I bet you didn’t think there was anything different about this bike until I told you but because of its cheapness the Suzuki band had always had a reputation of falling into the hands of dicks you know the type of guys who feel it’s right to weave in and out of traffic that’s the thing that bugs me about the suzuki bandit it’s a perfect tour a small tour yes but put bags in a nice windshield on this thing and you can go cross country but it’s so really happy that all the stunts –is like the Bandit because they’re the guys popping wheelies outside Baltimore but in attempting to court the average consumer as opposed to the ardent motorcycle enthusiast the Bandit takes on an identity that is a metaphor from modern courtship itself where success is measured entirely in terms of how hard one tries ultimately in order to court anyone in both commerce and romance you have to play by the commonly accepted rules of the game you can give a compliment to that subtly gorgeous barista who can never get your drink right but just know that you’ll become exponentially creepier for every moment you hang around afterwards however if you just drop a compliment into yamaha r6 fairings
the middle of the conversation and walk away you suddenly become that guy I totally would have bung if he’d stuck around in much the same way consumerism tries to have it both ways courtship is its own horrific catch-22 you can have all the sex you could ever want as long as you don’t appear to actually want it but the minute you actively tried to get laid you go quickly from king of all coitus to the lone protector of the friendzone you suddenly become that creeper with a neck beard opposable figure collection and a regular seat by the stage in a strip club called the diamond diamond the people you’re courting miss out because they make value judgments based on preconceived notions of what it means to try one minute your three fingers deep in a retail clerk from Bern Township or reading out fashion design majors from More College of Art and the next you’re just Johnny McBride’s too hard you lose out to the weaponized mediocrity of some guy and an affliction t-shirt and sleeve tattoos in essence by trying to court the average consumer Suzuki has turned off the motorcycle enthusiasts who might actually enjoy riding the Bandit but if you look again at the Bandit you see this thing is beautifully simplistic and also stealthy in its complexity like The Last Supper or an erector set it’s a bike that wants you to if the band at 12:50 was a girl she’d used teeth and you’d like it so how much you want for it yeah and we’ll just I will take the scenic route to where I cannot say we’re doing 65 and if you liked bang will stop along the way it was like the first time that we made love I didn’t know where things were meant to go that goodness now I know r6 fairings
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